I can’t believe that Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales would actually hold a press conference to demonstrate how to make a Liquid Bomb using ingredients readily available at any convenience store. What the hell were they thinking? They’ve just conducted a training exercise for any and every terrorist who has the ability to turn on a television set (and well, a really good antenna).

Washington, DC (Rotters) - The Department of Homeland security today released further information in regards to the terrorist liquid bomb plot in London. The press conference was capped off by a demonstration of the effectiveness of one of the terrorists’ proposed devices. Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales constructed and detonated a small yield device to the stunned silence of the press in attendance. No one was harmed in the demonstration, but a number of angry photographers were seen wiping residue from lenses.

“Just think what could be achieved on a larger scale”, stated Chertoff. “No one would have been spared if we have chosen instead to use perhaps a liter bottle of fluid. The same principles can be applied towards a deadly rocket. The administration has been communicating closely with the Israelis and we really believe that as the conflict in Lebanon winds down and the materials and supplies for war dry up they may be faced with just such improvised rockets from Hezbollah.”
…

“The war on terror is an ongoing thing,” added Attorney General Gonzalez, “we adapt and we improvise and we adjust our tactics. Americans have always been willing to make sacrifices during times of war. Reluctantly, we will institute tomorrow a ban on all carbonated beverages in America as well as suspect over-the-counter breath freshener preparations. Bad breath is a small sacrifice we can all pay in support of our troops overseas.”