You’d be well advised to avoid Max’s Restaurant. Here’s the review I just posted on Yelp:

If it were possible to give a restaurant negative stars, this review would be a negative five (-5).

It’s very obvious as to why there are “Critics Not Welcome” signs/notices posted everywhere… Max’s Restaurant is obviously worried that people will find out how absolutely shitty the food and service is… oh, yes… it definitely sucks.

Periodically my coworkers suggest going to Max’s and I reluctantly agree. Today, I actually suggested going there so I have noone to blame but myself. One of my coworkers ordered the Asian Chicken Wrap. I’ve seen him eat things that I personally would avoid like the plague, but he left half of his plate untouched.

I ordered the home-made Gardenburger*. What I got was a pseudo-burger with minimal vegetables (a slice of onion, a single piece of lettuce, and a pathetic slice of tasteless tomato). The concoction of vegetables that Max’s staff pathetically attempted to create a patty from made plain oatmeal seem like a spicy Indian dish in comparison. The “patty” fell apart immediately and seemed to be undercooked. After a few bites I decided that it was a lost effort and flagged down the waiter and asked for a grilled cheese sandwich or something as a replacement.

After my coworkers had finished eating, I again flagged down the waiter and suggested that instead of a replacement that we should just cancel the order altogether. He replied “oh, well they cooked it and it’s ready.” Then why was it still sitting in the fucking kitchen?

In all fairness, Max’s is probably a great place for the geriatric crowd to dine, as the food is bland and tasteless. If one can’t handle anything that tastes like food, then a hospital cafeteria is probably second only Max’s restaurant.

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*Gardenburger is actually a trademark for a vegetable “burger” which is normally quite good. Had I not known the difference (and not noticed the “home made” description on the menu) I’d likely have confused the slop they serve at Max’s for an actual Gardenburger. This is a prime example of why a company should sue the fuck out of a restaurant which infringes upon its trademark.