I can’t believe anybody thought they could come up with something lamer than Guitar Hero, but Microsoft’s research folks have hit one out of the park. I looked to check to see if this was posted on “April Jackasses Who Pretend They’re Funny Day,” but it appears to be a real research project, and one which almost conclusively proves two things:

1. Regardless of how great the software is, nobody in the video can sing an entire verse in the same key.
2. Computers will never replace real musicians.

MySong: Automatic Accompaniment for Vocal Melodies (emphasis and snark added)

Like to Write Music?

Most folks never get a chance to answer this question, since writing music takes years of experience… if you don’t play an instrument or spend lots of time around music, you’ll probably never get to write a song.

MySong, introduced in our CHI 2008 paper, automatically chooses chords to accompany a vocal melody, allowing a user with no musical training [or taste!] to rapidly create accompanied music. MySong is a creative tool for folks who like to sing but would never get a chance to experiment with creating real original music. Come on, you know who you are… you sing in the car, or in the shower, or you go to karaoke clubs, or you just once in a while find yourself singing along with catchy commercial jingles.

“You would never get a chance to experiment with creating real original music” only if you’re too fucking lame to spend five minutes plunking on a real instrument. At least you’d actually be trying to make music if you picked up an instrument. This is exactly the sort of lame bullshit that makes me immediately want to shoot down candidates I’m interviewing… (fictionalized version below)*

Me: “Have you used Tech. X?”

Lameass Candidate: “I haven’t had the opportunity to use it.”

Me: “Really? Because you don’t have a computer or access to the internet?”

Lameass Candidate: “No, I have those.”

Me: “Oh, so you haven’t had any opportunity to download free open source software and run it on your machine?”

Lameass Candidate: “No, any time I try to download it men in black suits break into my house and beat me repeatedly.”

This software really is kinda interesting even if the current incarnation produces accompaniments which basically sound the same (tink, tink, tinka, tink) and have the performance quality of a 1st grade piano teacher’s recital. (Click the link, watch the short video, and you’ll see what I mean… tink, tink, tinka, tink)

I think they’re overlooking a market which would absolutely adore this… Christians. Consider the following compositions:

Jesus!  You are Awesome  (tink tink tinka tink )
I'm sorry that I inflict pain on you  (tink tink tinka tink )
through time and space and that I  (tink tink tinka tink )
greaten your suffering on the cross  (tink tink tinka tink )
when I masturbate and think impure thoughts (tink tink tinka tink )

Or the other soon-to-be gospel hit: Jesus!

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!   (tink tink tinka tink )
Your name is Jesus, Jesus!   (tink tink tinka tink )
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!   (tink tink tinka tink )
Your name is Jesus, Jesus!   (tink tink tinka tink )
	
Hallelujah Jesus!  (A capella part)
	
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!   (tink tink tinka tink )
Your name is Jesus, Jesus!   (tink tink tinka tink )
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!   (tink tink tinka tink )
Jesus, I wish you could remember your own fucking name 'cause I'm tired
of having to sing it all the damn time to remind you!   (tink tink tinka tink )

Microwaves, televisions, the intertubes… and now automatic accompaniments for people who have no sense of rhythm, pitch, or style!

I’m still digging around on the site to see if I can find their MyOperatingSystem(tm), MyInstantBestsellingNovel(tm), MyGlamourMagazinePhotoshoot(tm), MyPainting(tm), MyMeaningfulLongtermRelationship(tm), and MyHomeSurgeon(tm) software projects. Why waste all that time and effort developing actual skills and an actual appreciation of music when you can buy a shitty piece of software?**

* My point here is that “I haven’t had the opportunity” is a lame, lame, lame answer and clearly indicates that the candidate has little-to-no actual interest in personal growth/development and is unwilling to take initiative… aka somebody I do not want to work with. The specific technology is irrelevant.

** Doesn’t look like you can actually buy this yet. Not like that’s a *bad* thing.