Oh, no… is it really this bad:

Dear George Lucas, (CC: Steven Spielberg)

Please stop ruining movie characters from my childhood. It was bad enough when you turned Darth Vader into a snot-nosed, annoying, midi-chlorian soaked nine-year-old brat who made protocol druids in his spare time and who matures into a wooden actor for the next two films who shouldn’t even be cast in a car commercial.

… (Cynical-C)

My primary machine these days is a MacBook Pro… and I have -0- virus utilities installed for OSX. Knock-on-wood, I haven’t had a problem yet.

Fairly regularly I need to fire up Parallels to check stuff in some flavor of Windows (usually XP Home and/or Pro), ALL of which have virus detection software installed.

The OS I use all the time is pretty secure, but the virtual machines I run periodically are trouble magnets. I find this to be simultaneously amusing and pathetic, and I’m glad I use the OS I do… even if I do have a love/hate relationship with the company that makes it.

As a side note: my friend came over and booted Sabayon on my MacBook and uh…. it’s pretty damn cool. I have a windows box at home that might be getting some new software guts really soon.

:)

If you’re looking to buy my affection, it’s for sale for the low-low price of just $3,100 (or thereabouts).

I know people get attached to their pets and treat them like family, but isn’t this taking it way too far?

If your pet isn’t into Elvis (though most animals I know sing as well as Elvis) then perhaps (s)he’d prefer to be Batman, a skeleton, a pirate, or even a rabbi.

I started watching this video skeptically… but now I understand the errors of my ways. Shell isn’t a company focused on making as much money as possible… they’re all about preserving the environment by removing all that nasty oil stuff from the ground. Who needs to look to Jesus for salvation when we have Shell?

Some things are just too strange for words, like this story about a man who triggered a security check at the airport. I’m reminded of the scene in Fight Club where the guy points out the importance of using the appropriate possessive… ie. “a” vs. “your.”

Another case where reality is stranger than fiction.

I’d like for our Civil Liberties and Inalienable Rights as American Citizens to be restored.

I’ve never been very impressed with Conservative columnist George Will, but his current opinion piece is nothing less than amazingly impressive. In it, Will effectively demonstrates that he’s a super-whiny media elitist. George, you can go fuck yourself. Some jackass girl’s MySpace page will always be more interesting than the pseudo-intellectual horseshit you spin and label as a column.

I tried to buy a book online using Lulu, and won’t be going down that path again.

I sent the book’s author an e-mail:

I stumbled across your book, and without even dipping into the table of contents to check it out, I decided to buy it.

I clicked the purchase link which directed me to Lulu, and I added it to my cart. After I logged in to Lulu the book had disappeared from my cart. If they can’t manage session cookies, what reassurance do I have that my personal and financial information will be handled properly? None. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Lulu seems to me to be a fly-by-night operation at best, even though I know they’ve been around for at least a year. (I purchased a book through them a while back, and was unimpressed then too.)

I’d very much like to purchase your book-in-progress (it looks awesome!), and would also like encourage you to reconsider using Lulu for sales and distribution.

Is it possible to buy the book through another means?

I’m simple to shop for this year… I just want one of these…

Maybe I’d watch football if it were more like this:

From the Wal*Mart web site:

In October, Wal-Mart declared an early start to Christmas with significant rollbacks of key toy prices – just the start of thousands of price cuts on key electronics, gifts, entertaining and holiday items.

It looks like the winner of the “War on Christmas Wallets” is Wal*Mart.

This is a cool little tutorial about how to screen print (serigraphy, if you must) a design on a t-shirt, using pretty inexpensive materials. It looks like a pretty quick, down-and-dirty approach, and looks like it could be manageable in a small, cluttered apartment.

This forum post about an airline employee being arrested and taken to jail for 12 hours for trying to take his rubber band ball on an airplane is a great example of the type of security we can and should expect while flying.

Almost three full days after my last response to Blizzard’s latest form-letter e-mail (which I received ~8 days after my previous response), I still haven’t heard from their Account Administration team. I felt it was appropriate to forward my previous response and offer some suggestions about how Blizzard might improve their Customer Service process.

From: Me
Subject: Fwd: World of Warcraft - Account Retrieval Issue
Date: September 27, 2006 11:23:49 AM GMT+08:00
To: wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com

Dear Blizzard,

It has been almost exactly three days, and I have yet to receive a reply to my response to your form letter regarding the Account Retrieval process. Please escalate this issue to someone at Blizzard who has the time and ability to assist me in its resolution.

Please either reinstate my account or forward contact information of a Blizzard Representative to me so that I can send them a reimbursement agreement, which would enable me to complete the steps outlined in Blizzard’s Account Retrieval process.

Also, please provide me with non-ambiguous information as to why Blizzard feels that my account “may have been compromised.” I have explained numerous times that my account *has not* been compromised, and would like to ensure that once this issue is resolved that my account is not put in jeopardy by otherwise seemingly benign actions like logging in to play World of Warcraft while I’m on business travel.

I feel that the response times to my queries/replies have been woefully slow (typically between three and eight days), and Blizzard is giving me the impression that it really doesn’t care about its customers. Further, I have the impression that my responses aren’t actually being read, which connotes not only that Blizzard doesn’t seem to care about providing Customer Service, but that it actually treats its customers with disdain. I’d like to point out that these impressions could be adequately addressed by minimizing Blizzard’s response times and by responding with meaningful, non-form-letter replies.

It’s unfortunate that your Account Admin team is either too busy dealing with Account Retrieval issues or the like, or is too understaffed, to be able to read customer’s e-mails and respond appropriately. It would likely be a big win, in terms of Customer Service, for Blizzard to hire additional Account Administrators.

I have forwarded my unanswered reply, and am eagerly waiting to hear from someone at Blizzard who is able and willing to read my replies, and who is able and willing to act appropriately.

Regards,

- Dan

Previous posts regarding this issue (in chronological order):

• Why Does Blizzard Treat Its Customers So Poorly?
• Blizzard: Lowering the Bar for Customer Service

Eight days after my last reponse to Blizzard’s Account Administration team, they again responded, with a very familiar-sounding form e-mail.

From: wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com
Subject: World of Warcraft - Account Retrieval Issue
Date: September 24, 2006 1:02:19 PM GMT+08:00
To: Me

Greetings,

Thank you for contacting us with your concerns regarding our Account Retrieval process. We appreciate and understand your perspective, yet have to reiterate that the account in question was brought to our attention due to a possible compromise.

Blizzard Entertainment takes account security very seriously. For this reason we have instigated the Account Retrieval process so that the registered user of the account can verify their contact information and gain sole and secure access. Unfortunately, we will be unable to restore access until we have received the required documentation. This policy is in place to protect the registered account user from misuse and damage to the account by unauthorized third-parties.

Any inquiries concerning this account retrieval process can only be addressed by Account Administration. To learn more about how Account Administration is able to assist you, please visit us at http://www.blizzard.com/support/wowaa/.

We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Thank you for your patience and anticipated cooperation in this matter.

Hatagerak
Account Administration
Blizzard Entertainment
www.worldofwarcraft.com

Why does this reply from Blizzard sound so familiar? Oh yeah, they already sent me that one, except for a minor modification in the first paragraph, which I underlined above.

Nonetheless, I’m still hopeful that there’s a real human being working somewhere at Blizzard, so I sent the following reponse:

From: Me
Subject: Re: World of Warcraft - Account Retrieval Issue
Date: September 24, 2006 1:26:31 PM GMT+08:00
To: wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com

Dear Blizzard,

Thank you for replying to my responses regarding your Account Retrieval process. I appreciate and understand your perspective, yet have to reiterate that Blizzard has not provided me with any non-ambiguous explanation regarding the “possible compromise” of my account, though I have asked for this explanation repeatedly.

I appreciate that Blizzard takes Account Security seriously, and believe that suspending my account without providing me any detail as to why it was suspended is terribly poor customer service, and is heavy-handed. As I stated in my previous e-mail, which Blizzard has taken over a week to respond to, I am unable to comply with Blizzard’s Account Retrieval process until I receive a signed agreement from an Authorized Blizzard Representative indicating that I will be fully reimbursed for the time and associated costs spent engaged in the Account Retrieval process.

Again, I request that Blizzard contact me with the information requested so that I may be able to comply with Blizzard’s Account Retrieval process. This policy is in place to protect me from misuse and damage to my World of Warcraft account, and to compensate me for the time expenditure and costs incurred by complying with Blizzard’s policies.

While I am personally skeptical as to the sincerity of an apology included in a form letter (particularly one which I have already been sent), I accept your apology for the inconvenience this has caused, and would, yet again, like to encourage Blizzard to do the Right Thing by reinstating my account, and/or forwarding me the contact information of a Blizzard representative who can and will sign an agreement to reimburse me for the time and costs incurred through conformance with Blizzard’s Account Retrieval process.

I’d also like to suggest, for Blizzard’s consideration, that those who do that which is Right never have a justifiable reason or need to apologize.

Thank you in advance for your prompt response and appropriate action,

- Dan

Several “interesting” comments have been left on my original post regarding Blizzard’s absurd Account Retrieval process. Apparently I’m some holdout of a long lost set of values which suggest that companies should provide actual customer service that extends beyond offering generated text with false apologies. /shrug It appears that bending over and taking it in the hindside is common core value of Blizzard Fanboys. Power to you if you like having your posterior poked, but I’m going to stand my ground on this one.

Blizzard sent me a notification that they had suspended my account because it “may have been compromised,” which it most certainly has not, unless their login process is remarkably insecure.

After numerous e-mail exchanges with long delays in the response times from Blizzard, almost two and a half weeks later, I’m still waiting for Blizzard to step up to the plate and respond appropriately by reinstating my falsely-suspended account.

From: wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com
Subject: World of Warcraft — Account Retrieval Instructions
Date: September 6, 2006 6:13:37 AM GMT+08:00
To: Me

It has recently come to our attention that the World of Warcraft account you are using may have been compromised. For security and privacy reasons, the account has been temporarily disabled. This message contains our Account Retrieval process, which will enable the rightful user of the account to resume their adventures in the World of Warcraft.

Please retain this message until you have completed the Account Retrieval process and are again able to log in to the World of Warcraft account. We strongly advise keeping all information relating to this issue as secure and private as possible, including the storage of all related documents and IDs, especially during the Account Retrieval process.

Failure to adhere to the requirements set forth in this message may impede the timely restoration of account access. You will need to fill out a form and return it via fax or postal mail, along with official ID, to Blizzard’s Account Administration department. For security reasons, we are unable to accept digital files of any kind. Please download our Account Retrieval Form from the Blizzard website at:

http://ftp.blizzard.com/pub/WoW/other/Account-Retrieval-Notary.pdf

Please be sure you are using the latest version of Adobe’s free PDF viewer, Adobe Reader©, available for download at http://www.adobe.com.

Please be sure to follow the account access retrieval instructions exactly and in their entirety to ensure timely processing of the document. We will contact you again once all information has been received and thank you in advance for your patience and cooperation in resolving this account issue. Please be sure to provide all pertinent data as soon as possible since Blizzard Entertainment is unable to offer any type of reimbursement for the time an account is locked for verification and investigation purposes.

Please take a moment to review the World of Warcraft Terms of Use at http://www.worldofwarcraft.com/legal/termsofuse.html which state that your Password is to be kept confidential at all times and you are solely responsible for the security of your Password. You may not disclose your Password to anyone, or allow your Password to be used by anyone other than yourself and/or your one (1) minor child. This includes, but is not limited to, compensated third parties accessing the account to advance characters in any way.

You are responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of your Password, and you will be responsible for all uses of your Password, whether or not authorized by you. Also, note that the security of the Account is your responsibility. Furthermore, Blizzard Entertainment does not recognize the transfer of Accounts, and any authorized transfer of the World of Warcraft software (as set forth on the worldofwarcraft.com website) will result in the permanent deletion of the Account attached to that software. You may not offer any Account for sale or trade, and any such offer is a violation of this Agreement and may result in suspension or termination of the Account.

Thank you for your patience and anticipated cooperation in this matter.

Regards,

Account Administration
Blizzard Entertainment
www.WorldOfWarcraft.com

Customer satisfaction is a top priority here at Blizzard Entertainment, and we would like your feedback on the level of service you have received. Please feel free to provide such feedback at the following web address: [link omitted].

The next morning, I responded:

From: Me
Subject: Re: World of Warcraft — Account Retrieval Instructions
Date: September 6, 2006 7:38:18 AM GMT+08:00
To: wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com

My account had NOT been compromised. I’m in Asia on business and logged in for a few minutes to create a piece of refined deepwater salt. I’d accidentally logged in with my secondary character ([character name omitted]) first, then logged in with my main character to make the salt.

Please reinstate my account immediately and credit me for the duration of time my account has been falsely suspended. I’m teetering between appreciation that you’re proactive in account monitoring (ie.- it probably looks suspicious that I’ve never logged in from Asia before) and anger that you’re so quick to pull the proverbial trigger and ban my account. Please rectify this situation.

I’m fully unwilling to jump through a bunch of hoops because I logged into my WoW account from Asia.

Thank you in advance for your prompt reinstatement of my account and for issuing me an apology for the false account suspension,

- Dan

They didn’t respond (within approximately 3 business days), so I sent them another e-mail:

From: Me
Subject: False Suspension of WoW Account
Date: September 9, 2006 1:48:21 PM GMT+08:00
To: wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com, support@blizzard.com, billing@blizzard.com, wowtech@blizzard.com, wowgm@blizzard.com

Dear Blizzard,

I have yet to receive a reply from any Blizzard representative regarding my response to this e-mail, which I sent three days ago. If you, the recipient of this e-mail, do not have the ability or authority to reinstate my account please escalate this issue and forward this communication to someone who does.

To this point, I haven’t been notified as to why my account has been suspended beyond being told that my account “may have been compromised.” I would like to be informed of the precise reason Blizzard believes my account has been compromised, and more importantly, I would like my account reinstated immediately.

I have never, at any point in time, given, sold, or transmitted my password or account information to any other person or third party. I have never, at any point in time, allowed someone else to play my characters, even momentarily. I have never, at any point in time, bought or sold in-game items for real-world money or real-world items.

I have reviewed the Terms of Use, and find that I have not violated any section thereof.

I feel that it’s unreasonable to expect me to print and fill out a form, photocopy my driver’s license/passport, have a notary notarize the documents, and then send an international FAX to reinstate an account which I created with only my credit card information. The fact that I’m responding from the e-mail account which I have associated with my WoW account should indicate to you that I am indeed who I say I am.

Further, you can easily verify my statements by calling the [hotel name omitted] in [location omitted] [phone number omitted] to verify that I am indeed here as a guest and have been here as a registered guest since last week.

[link to the hotel’s web site omitted]

While I can understand how/why an account which has never been used outside of the United States suddenly logging in from Asia could be viewed as being “suspicious,” I am in Asia on business and I logged in to create a craft item which has a 72-hour cooldown period. With the exception of logging in to download the game patches, I logged in to my account precisely once, to make the previously mentioned trade item.

I appreciate the efforts to protect my account information and the non-trivial amount of time I’ve invested in this game, but I cannot appreciate or accept this Blizzard policy which is based on ambiguous suspicion and demands that I go to such absurdly extreme measures. I don’t understand why Blizzard feels it’s necessary to demand that its customers should spend the time, effort, and money to reinstate a falsely-suspended account through this poorly-conceived process when accounts can be created without having to provide any form of legal identification.

Further, I actually find it to be incredulous that all it takes to get one’s account suspended is to want to play the game while one is traveling on business. Are all business travelers who live in the United States and log in from outside the U.S. uniformly treated in this heavy-handed manner? Is this *actually* a uniformly applied Blizzard policy?

I am in disconcerted awe that Blizzard demonstrates such an aggressively negative attitude and posture towards to its legitimate customers and has implemented such mind-bogglingly customer-abusing policies. I signed up to play the World of Warcraft game, not to play real-world games involving jumping through beaurocratic hoops based on bad customer service practices.

I’d like to encourage you to do the right thing: reinstate my account, credit me for the time I’ve paid for (but was unable to use because of this false suspension), and start treating your customers with some respect.

You may call me at the [hotel name omitted] in [location omitted] to discuss this issue.

I anxiously await your proper action and response,

- Dan

Two days later (the next business day), Blizzard responded (with a very form-letter sounding response):

From: wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com
Subject: World of Warcraft - Account Retrieval Issue
Date: September 11, 2006 1:09:52 PM GMT+08:00
To: Me

Greetings Dan,

Thank you for your follow-up email. Unfortunately, we have not yet received a fax or postal mailing for your Account Retrieval process. Please check the numbers you are dialing below, as our fax numbers have recently changed. If you have sent a fax to the correct numbers, it may have been illegible to the point that we were unable to identify the sender to request a re-fax. If you do not receive a reply from the Account Administration department within 48 hours of a transmission, please resend your fax and notify us of the refax at wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com. Feel free to contact us with any questions or concerns regarding this process.

Fax numbers: (949) 725-7972 & (949) 725-6341

Any inquiries concerning this account retrieval process can only be addressed by Account Administration. To learn more about how Account Administration is able to assist you, please visit us at http://www.blizzard.com/support/wowaa/.

We apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced and thank you for your continued patience in this matter. We will contact you again once all information has been received.

Regards,
Ackril
Account Administration
Blizzard Entertainment
www.worldofwarcraft.com

Again, I responded (the same day):

From: Me
Subject: Re: World of Warcraft - Account Retrieval Issue
Date: September 11, 2006 2:25:06 PM GMT+08:00
To: wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com

Dear Blizzard,

It appears that you have not taken the effort to read my responses. I’d like to encourage you to do so.

I do not feel that it’s appropriate to require me to follow the extreme steps Blizzard’s heavy-handed policy dictates, nor do I feel it’s appropriate for my account to have been suspended in the first place. I have asked, and am now asking again, to be informed of the specific reason Blizzard has suspended my account.

If you do not have the authority or ability to reinstate my account, I would like to again request that this issue be escalated to someone who does. I have taken the time and effort to write a legitimate response, and I don’t feel it’s inappropriate to request that a human being at Blizzard review and respond likewise with a non-form e-mail.

I whole-heartedly feel that it’s time for Blizzard to do the right thing and to treat its customers with at least a modicum of respect. I’d like to again encourage Blizzard to reinstate my account, and to re-examine its policies, which are heavy-handed and hostile towards its paying customers.

I’m anxiously awaiting your non-automated, non-form-letter response, and am looking forward to Blizzard stepping up to the plate to rectify this situation by reinstating my account without requiring me to submit information to confirm my account which was not even required when I created my account.

Thank you in advance for your prompt attention to this matter.

Regards,

- Dan

Five days later, Blizzard responded:

From: wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com
Subject: World of Warcraft - Account Retrieval Issue
Date: September 16, 2006 2:22:27 PM GMT+08:00
To: Me

Greetings,

Thank you for contacting us with your concerns regarding our Account Retrieval process. We appreciate and understand your perspective, yet have to reiterate that the account in question appears to have been compromised by a third-party. The account have been locked to prevent any malicious activity that could potentially take place.

Blizzard Entertainment takes account security very seriously. For this reason we have instigated the Account Retrieval process so that the registered user of the account can verify their contact information and gain sole and secure access. Unfortunately, we will be unable to restore access until we have received the required documentation. This policy is in place to protect the registered account user from misuse and damage to the account by unauthorized third-parties.

Any inquiries concerning this account retrieval process can only be addressed by Account Administration. To learn more about how Account Administration is able to assist you, please visit us at http://www.blizzard.com/support/wowaa/.

We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Thank you for your patience and anticipated cooperation in this matter.

Hatagerak
Account Administration
Blizzard Entertainment
www.worldofwarcraft.com

I again responded, the same day:

To: wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com
Date: September 16, 2006 3:22:29 PM GMT+08:00
Subject: World of Warcraft - Falsely Suspended Account
To: wowaccountadmin@blizzard.com

Dear Blizzard,

I do appreciate your efforts to protect my account and that Blizzard takes account security seriously. However, you have not notified me as to why you think my account has been “compromised by a third-party.” The only activity I’ve performed that might give this appearance is attempting to log in and play the game while I’ve been in Asia for business. I logged in, downloaded the patch(es), and then logged in to the game itself to create a single piece of Refined Deepwater Salt. If your claim regarding the significance of account security is true and valid, then you should easily be able to check your logs to verify that this is the case.

I have previously given you contact information to allow you to quickly and easily verify my account. Blizzard has not made a discernible effort to contact me to verify my information, and the 3-day delays between my responses and these very form-sounding replies is unacceptable. Blizzard might wish to consider dedicating the excessive resources allocated to “account security” to enhance its current Customer Service process, which, as this incident clearly demonstrates, is sorely lacking in providing even acceptable levels of service to its customers.

I have NOT allowed ANYONE other than myself to access, play, or observe my account at any time, and I certainly have NOT given my account information to any third party for any purpose or intent.

It is not appropriate, by any reasonable standard, to require me to provide notarized identification and send an international fax to verify an account for which no identification was required beyond a credit card and the associated information (which I can and will gladly provide to a Blizzard customer service representative for the sole purpose of account verification). I am unable to comply with your “Account Retrieval Process” to verify my falsely suspended account until I have a signed agreement from an authorized Blizzard representative indicating that I will be compensated for the duration of time my account has been falsely suspended, the costs incurred to locate a notary, copying and notarization fees, the cost of the fax transmission, the cost of time I’ve invested in retrieving the account at my current consulting rate, and the cost of related attorney’s fees. Please forward me contact information of the authorized Blizzard representative so that I can have my attorney/representative send the appropriate contractual documents.

Personally, I am tremendously disappointed with what Blizzard has mistakenly labeled “Customer Service” and the manner in which I’ve been treated throughout this process. I am tremendously disappointed that Blizzard’s policies are so heavy-handed, and feel that it’s fully appropriate to label them as absurd. I have invested a non-trivial amount of time playing World of Warcraft, and I’m growing weary of Blizzard’s insistence that I play the “Account Retrieval” game, particularly when I have not been given any specific information as to how or why Blizzard feels my account has been compromised.

Yet again, I’d like to encourage Blizzard to save myself and itself further time, effort, and expense by reinstating my account immediately. I truly feel that Blizzard still has the opportunity to demonstrate an acceptable level of customer service, and to do the Right Thing. I’d like to encourage Blizzard to seize this opportunity and demonstrate corporate responsibility.

Thank you in advance for your prompt response, and prompt, correct resolution of this matter,

- Dan

Six days later, almost two and a half full weeks after the false suspension of my account for an ambiguous and unexplained reason, I’m still waiting for a response and appropriate action from Blizzard. My pre-paid account remains suspended, and Blizzard remains bullheaded. Perhaps Tauren were modeled after whomever at Blizzard created their Account Retrieval process.

Blizzard’s “Account Retrieval” policy is, in fact, aptly named. They’re essentially holding my non-trivial time investment, effort, and in-game friendships hostage, in need of retrieval from an arrogant, uncaring, money-hungry gaming company: themselves.

Blizzard is mistaken if they think I’m willing to give up my account, and seriously delusional if they think I’m so hard up to play their game(s) that I’m willing to buy a new copy of World of Warcraft and start over. It appears that they’re going to be throwing away a guaranteed purchase of their expansion and at least another year of subscription fees by mistreating a good customer they’ve had for the past year and a half.

Is it worth the effort to remain a Blizzard customer?

I’m looking for someone to help me out with some graphics (logos, mostly). If you know of someone good, would you please send me their contact info.? I’m expecting to pay though I obviously don’t have a trillion dollars.

Ms. Candence Anne Rapley,
born 9/7/2006
8 lbs. 13 oz
21 inches

Welcome to the World, Ms. Rapley! May your life be long, happy, healthy, prosperous and peaceful.

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Rapley! What a beautiful baby!

Proud dad Dutch reports that mom and baby are doing fine.